I went around
time town today looking for some discounted Wonder Woman stuff… but honestly, it was hard to find much of anything Wonder Woman related. I went to my local comic store hoping to find some buy 1 get 1 graphic novels, and nothing. Looked for some regular ones, still nothing. In desperation, I went to Half Priced Books… and what I found was terrifying.
Apparently, I was trapped in the early 2000’s, as I was starring directly at a Back Street Boys ‘Into The Millennium Tour!
Panicking, I looked around to get my barrings, and then this! Pokemon but more importantly Sailor Moon S and Super S VHS Tapes? Why God! Why would you make me relive one of the worst eras of humanity! Despite surviving Y2K, We were still disillusioned from the lack of flying cars we were promised!
Fearing for the time space continuum, I listened for The Tardis, the roar of a Delorean, or even the archaic ringing of a pay phone.
I flipped over the VHS Sailor Moon tapes, knowing full well that if I even found a VCR to watch these ancient tomes on, the monstrous machine could devour my childhood, if not my soul.
$2.00? For Anime? I take a sigh in disbelief. I remember back to my high school days paying $40 for less than 5 episodes of a show on DVD. Everything might be okay.
Then, I remember the creepy old man who used to run The Pawn Shop that I used to buy old Ranma 1/2 tapes for cheap. I know right then that I had to get out of there.
Wait a second though: Sailor Pluto’s calm and knowing look was all I needed to see. I stood up, turned around, and slowly walked away… just in case something immortal was following me.
As the door closed, I realized that it was NOT the year 2000. I looked back, half expecting for there not to even be a store there.
To my disbelief, the store was still there, and past the register there were relics from an even further time I took one more glimpse into this time anomaly, and I see something from even further into the past… Records.
What’s The Main Event? A movie from 1979 where Barbara Streisand manages a reluctant boxer? Nifty I think, until I stumble upon a record that was some sort of… podcast?
Apparently, there were horrible motivational ones with religious undertones such as Evangelist Jay Snell’s Alternative to Divorce. I knew right then that making this second quantum leap was a terrible decision.
I tried to run towards the door, but was disoriented. My body jerked an aisle or two over, where I saw this!
A Book? Something from either further back? How far was I going to be thrown back this Thursday? This book though… it looked familiar. Piers Anthony’s Yon Ill Wind, one of the last Xanth novels that I could actually read? I’m almost back! I then see what I originally set out to find: Wonder Woman!
Nestled into a cranny between Last Year’s smash hit Deadpool, and 1970’s 80’s, 90’s, 00’s and 10’s hit space opera Star Wars.
Puzzles, clocks, and coffee mugs: If I had a use for even one of those things… maybe I would have given into my capitalistic tendencies right then and there.
Sadly, not one comic book though. This was, however, enough to remind me that Wonder Woman was coming out tonight. A movie, based on a book, based on a weird man’s obsession with the truth.
I meandered away from this building, caring not about the dinosaurs, mercenaries, or time lords that crossed my path. I had a movie to go see, damn it. One about a woman who might finally do what Supergirl, Vampirella, Elektra, and even Catwoman could not do; be wonderful!